Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Oh god it's open bar.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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