Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
