No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
