He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
