conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I want you more than these girls want KFC
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
