i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
