i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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