You're my little dorito
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
