you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
