i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
