On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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