1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
