I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
