At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
