There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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