sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
