I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
