Having a random hookup so left but love u
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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