the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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