He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
