Rock
Scissors
Fuck
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
