you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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