I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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