you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize