I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
