How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
