youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
