Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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