He is such a slut. More and more my type.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
