how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
