Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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