Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
