I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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