thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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