moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
