remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
