i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
