first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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