My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You are a genius and a whore.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
