apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
