Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize