i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
