I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
