sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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