I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You smell like stripper and shame
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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