So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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