You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize