everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
