No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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