giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
