currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
