You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
