he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
