I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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