Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize