What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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