theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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