He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
