can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
