his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
