I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
