a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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