Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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