We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
