Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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