what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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