At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
