I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
