Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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