You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
