please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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