is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
