You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
