i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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