Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
