WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
