you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
