Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
