It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Panties = found
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
